Traveling 101

I truly believe that my calling in life is to motivate people to travel, to step out of their world even if it's just for a brief moment and see what life is like on the other side. There is a whole world out there that you couldn't even begin to understand until you've seen it with your own eyes.

Today's topic is traveling. Unlike with relationships, this is a subject that I have a little more experience with. I've been to a couple places and done a few things in my short life that I've shared with most of you. You've seen me visit the Vatican, toss coins in the Trevi Fountain, visit Christopher Columbus' grave, climb a Mayan temple, hike in the Sierra Nevada… I've been around the block and I've took all of you with me.

Several of you have submitted questions and I've done my best once again to provide my input.

Rome, Italy - November 2013

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"My boyfriend's future career is one that could possibly require him to move states away at any given time. We are pretty serious and have talked about the future. We plan to get married once he is out of school. The only thing is, I'm such a homebody! I want to go wherever he goes to fulfill his dream, but it worries me living that far away from home and not knowing anyone. What is it like to move away from home? What advice can you give me in this situation?"

Giving up everything you've ever known is just as difficult as it sounds. It's not easy packing up memories and loading them into the back of a car. The fears that you are having are very normal and expected from someone that loves their home as much as you do. The most important thing in this situation is for you to decide if you are moving for you or if you are moving for him. 

Love is a powerful thing and a lot of us are willing to make sacrifices for the ones we care about. 

When my mother was 22 years old, she moved away with her boyfriend to Pennsylvania. He was from there and they lived in a little apartment in Williamsport. She moved because she loved him enough to go with him, but ultimately it was for him that she uprooted her life. My mother was unhappy, she didn't know anyone, and in the end she realized that sometimes you have to do what is best for you. She moved back home and has been here since.

Everyone is different. You may move with your boyfriend, become involved in your new community, and decide that "home" can be wherever you want it to be. That's a decision that only you can make. You have to think about how much your life will change. Weigh the pros and cons. There are ways to overcome the fear of not knowing anyone, but if you love your home and your family as much as I think you do, it will be very difficult to replace it.

If the day comes where you have to choose between leaving or staying, I believe whole-heartedly that you should go. Only when you leave your home do you truly appreciate it. The struggles and hardships that you will go through will make you stronger, give you experiences that will enrich your life, and make you appreciate what you have more than you realized it could.

Your home isn't going anywhere. It will be right there waiting for you if you decide to come back.

Nerja, Spain

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"How soon did you know you wanted to major in Spanish? I'm in Spanish I and I absolutely love it! It's the first class that really made me think, "Hey! This is something I want to do when I'm older!" But I also feel like that's ridiculous, because I'm still so new to studying it.

When I was your age, I felt the exact same way. Spanish was so new, so exotic, and unlike anything I had ever tried to learn. Learning and understanding a new culture was exhilarating and I actually looked forward to that class more than any other. During my senior year, my advanced Spanish class went to Spain for spring break and all the love that I had for the language and the culture was magnified by that experience. If I had to pick a point in my life where I knew I wanted to major in Spanish, I would say that was it. 

But did I go to college and major in Spanish first? No.

Most people either don't know or don't remember that I actually studied photography my first semester in college. I've honestly dabbled in just about everything. I've studied film, astronomy, photography, art, meteorology. I even took a literature class. Two of them, actually. 

The thing about people your age is that they feel like they have to know immediately who and what they'll be in the future, which couldn't be further from the truth. Take your time and study lots of things, consider looking into fields you may have never even thought of. Being educated is such a powerful tool for someone to have and I feel like it is more important to know a little about everything than knowing everything about one subject. 

You are so very young and so full of potential, give yourself a chance to enjoy Spanish right now and don't worry about majors just yet. If you still feel as strongly towards Spanish by the time you are a senior, consider majoring in it. Learning Spanish opened so many doors for me and I'd be more than happy to share some of the possibilities that it could offer you, but just remember to enjoy Spanish I. 

Some of us would love to go back to those days.

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Chichen Itza, Mexico - April 2013

"Do you have any tips on cheap traveling?"

I was always one of those kids that watched the Travel Channel and wished that I could have my own show, eating those disgusting foods like Anthony Bourdain. When you actually get out into the world and experience it for the first time, you quickly realize that it's not as cheap as the Travel Channel makes it seem. With the price of fuel and plane tickets being as expensive as ever, a lot of people are limited to just how far they can go, but there are tricks and websites that people who want to travel should know about.

When it came to my plane tickets back and forth from Europe, I spent months searching for a site that would give me a fairly reasonable price. A lot of people search directly for a particular airline or travel site like Expedia or Priceline, but I went through a different route. I bought my plane tickets to and from Europe on a site called Student Universe. They offer discounted plane tickets to students and from my own personal experience, I know that they are legitimate with a very courteous staff. I've spoken with their representatives several times and they were always more than helpful. 

Another site that I find myself dabbling in is sky scanner. That site lets you search from one airport to anywhere in the world, showing you the cheapest available plane tickets from a variety of sites that you may have never even heard of. I used this site to purchase my tickets to Italy.

As far as tricks go, there are different things every traveler should consider like currency exchange, travel date flexibility,  and avoiding touristy places. 

Going to places where the US dollar (or your home currency) is worth more than the local currency of where you are traveling can help you safe lots of money. Take Mexico for example. One US dollar is roughly 12-13 Mexican pesos, depending on the currency exchange at the time. You save money by going to places where their currency is worth less than your own. 

Having a flexible travel date also helps. Gas prices and ticket prices are constantly fluctuating and having an open window for when you plan to travel makes life so much easier. Take time searching for the best possible date for booking hotels and consider staying in a place that isn't as "luxurious" or well-known. There are plenty of hidden gems in this world, you just have to dig for them.

Granada, Spain

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"For someone that has never flown, like myself, what is the scariest part about flying?"

The first time I ever flew on a plane, I thought that I would physically break my armrest. Ask anyone about their first time flying, I'm sure they'll tell you the same. Knowing that you are 30,000+ feet above the earth can be a horrifying concept and some people just cannot make themselves get on a plane. I've flown more times than I can count and I still get this nervous twist in my stomach right before I walk into an airport. 

The scariest part about flying for me is landing. God and I become real close in those seconds before the wheels touch the runway. I've landed in the rain, the dark, the snow, sunshine, all of the above, and I still want to cry every time my plane is about to land. There was one particular landing that I experienced that triggered my fear and I've been scared sense. I won't explain that to you, because it would probably scare most of you into not flying and that's not what I want to do.

Flying is actually a beautiful experience and I wish everyone would try it at least once. When you lift off the ground, you feel gravity break and it's incredible. As you rise above the clouds, you see just how small the world is. One time while I was flying from Granada to Madrid, I could see the moon from one side of the plane and the sunrise from the other. It was quite literally the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. 

"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the Earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

Trevi Fountain - Rome, Italy

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"Where is your favorite place that you've been and where do you want to go next?"

I think I should probably choose Spain as my favorite place, seeing as I've practically roamed that entire country from north to south, but my favorite place will always be the United States. Didn't see that one coming, did ya? The US holds a special place in my heart because I know what it's like to live without it. Someone once told me that the only way to truly love your home is to leave it. 

As far as where I'm going next, I haven't completely decided. I know for a fact that I'm going to Ireland this semester. That's guaranteed. There are a few more countries like France and Scotland that I think would be a lot of fun, maybe even somewhere in Africa? I could always go to Morocco. Who knows.

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Thank you once again for your questions. I've received a lot of nice compliments on yesterday's post and it makes me happy to know that so many of you care about what I have to say. Writing has always been a passion of mine and it feels good to know that it's appreciated.

The topic for tomorrow is open, so send me your questions and let me know what you'd like me to write about. God bless, my friends.

Stay gold, Ponyboy.

Relationships 101

"You're wise beyond your years." Something I've heard most of my life. Wisdom is a gift that I would be foolish not to share, especially when there are people in this world with no one to talk to. As a global community, we're all faced with hardships and questions that we don't always have the answers to. We are searching for guidance, maybe a little extra push in helping us decide what's best for us in the end. 

What I've decided to do is start an advice column. I've opened my life up to anyone and everyone that might have a question, concern, or topic that they'd like to have answered. I cannot tell you how to live your life or what it takes to truly be happy, because we are all very different and complex human beings. What makes me happy won't necessarily make you happy, but I can provide a bit of advice to anything and everything you might be questioning.

Today's topic is relationships, as the title suggested. I should have expected this. I have a lot of insight on a lot of things like traveling, writing, school, friendship, college, how to choose between one thing or the other, but I've never been the greatest with relationships. And thanks to this topic, my brother is walking around singing "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. Hopefully the wisdom I was just preaching about a few paragraphs ago will kick in below.

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"The obsession with love and forever is scary for people like me. I know I love my boyfriend, but thinking about long term this soon in our relationship terrifies me. My friend tells me that I'm afraid to say 'I love you' because that will make it more real. I feel like I want to tell him, but I can't when I try. 
Does love necessarily mean 'forever' when so many people break-up?"

The idea of love is marketed through society as something that has to last forever in order to be real. Think about it. How many songs do you know links the words 'love' and 'forever' in the lyrics? Google it, if you have to. How many movie taglines or television shows tell you that real love lasts forever? Better yet… think about how you scroll through Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or whatever and see those photos covered with cheap texts of quotes that Marilyn Monroe probably never really said. 

We are all programmed to believe that love has to be a certain way, which is bogus. 

The bottom line is, forever doesn't exist. Everything from the sun in the sky to the cereal in your pantry has an expiration date. The idea of forever was created simply because it sounds good. We prefer the idea of Best Friends Forever, for example, because no one wants to lose someone we love and trust. "Forever" is the idea that nothing will end, so we created this notion of eternity and attached it to things that we fear might not survive through time. But forever doesn't "sound" good to you, does it? Just take forever out of the equation. Think about love the way you seemingly already do. Live in this moment and don't worry about how it will end. Worrying about the ending makes you forget the middle parts. That's like eating pie for the crush. It's the filling that we all want most.

Think about your boyfriend instead. How happy you are to see his name pop up on your phone. What it feels like to have him hug you, kiss you, or listen to you when you need someone to talk to. Not being able to tell someone you love them at a young age with the fear of "forever" weighing down on you is not easy. You can't rush that sort of thing. You can't rush love just like you can't rush water to boil, or the needle on a clock to spin. I know the whole "when the time is right" line has been stressed so much that it is starting to lose meaning, but there is still a lot of truth in it. When you are ready to say I love you, you'll be able to say it. It's as simple as that. Take your time and enjoy what you have.

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"A friend of mine has been dating a man on and off for two years. They break up often for the same reasons. He is 49 years old, living with his mom and dad, but he is a professional man with a steady job. She has her own place and is a self-sufficient woman. The two love one another, but he will not commit. (Become engaged or get married) His family does not like her and she is not allowed at his parent's home. Does she continue to date him or move on?

This is a mistake that the majority of women make. They invest so much of their time into someone that just simply isn't right for them. As women, we can become so attached to the idea of someone that we begin to create a man to be more than what he really is. Women will literally cling to the same man, no matter how unsatisfactory the relationship is, because we believe that one day the relationship will be what we need and want it to be.

Personally, I think she should move on from him. She should find someone she is more compatible with, someone that makes being together much easier. There are a number of men out there who are better suited to meet her same expectations in a relationship. She just has to find it in her to search.

The dating world is like a shark tank. No one wants to dip their toes in the water in fear of getting bit. I'm sure this woman has probably had her fair share of failed relationships, marriages, dates, whatever the case may be. We all get to that point where we don't want to break things off with someone simply because we are terrified of the idea of having to find someone else. We have to start the whole "get to know you" process over again with someone that will probably fail just like the last one, so what we do is continue in a relationship long after it's already over. 

What I think she should do is talk with this gentleman, though I'm sure she already has. We're women. We talk. But this time she needs to let him understand what she wants in the long run. Explain to him that commitment is important and that if he wants the relationship to continue, there has to be sacrifices on both sides. 

If he can't meet her halfway, then I truly believe she should move on. That's a choice only she can make, but on that note, remember that love worth having won't be so hard.

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How do you get the attention of a girl that you are interested in without appearing too pushy?

There are a million ways to get a girls attention. Smile at her. Send her a message. Comment on her statuses occasionally. Work on your posture. Take some time into your appearance. Compliment her. Ask for her number. All of these things can easily get a girls attention without being pushy.

But the most important thing you can do is be honest with her from the start. If you are interested in her, tell her. Before you roll your eyes and sigh, listen to what I have to say. Women love a man with confidence, a man that knows what he wants and goes for it.

You know that whole "bad boy" thing women are obsessed with? Have you ever broke down the attributes of a "bad boy"and thought about why women want something like that? The Bad Boy Theory is much more complex than wanting a man with a motorcycle and a pack of Marlboro reds.

Women want a man that is confident. He says what he means and he tells her what he wants.

You don't have to be perfect; you just have to believe in yourself and your capabilities. When a girl grabs your attention, pursue her. If she isn't interested, you'll know. When she isn't, let it be what it is and move on. The great thing about men and women is that there are plenty of them. When one doesn't see you for the charming and intellectual man that you are, move on to the next without a second thought.  

Rejection is not failure. Rejection is simply that bump in the road that jolted you a little bit. Keep driving.

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How do you keep a relationship from heading towards the friend-zone?

Men and women both occasionally find themselves living and learning in what we call the dreaded Friend Zone, that awful place in a relationship where one person wants to be romantically involved but the other only wants to be friends. The major mistake we make when it comes to the Friend Zone is believing that it is something that can be avoided.

I'm not saying that once you plummet into the Friend Zone that you can't somehow find your way out. Anyone that's watched He's Just Not That Into You knows that there is always an exception to every rule, but it is notoriously difficult to escape that forsaken place.

What I'm trying to say is that there isn't a list of things you can do to keep yourself from it. There isn't a recipe or a step by step guide that will help you keep from having someone only want to be your friend.  If the connection is there, it's there. If it's not, it's not. People don't realize how simple that is because we are so absorbed in emotions that we don't want to consider the fact that the feelings we have are one-sided. 

A trusty male friend of mine weighed in on "what women should do" when it comes to a relationship and the friend-zone. He said that the best thing you can do when it comes to a man you are interested in is confront him with your feelings. Tell him straight up that you are interested. Make the first move. Men will know from the start if they're interested or not.

He's right. Men are just as insecure as we are. Yeah, they'd rather sell their truck or break their Xbox than admit it… but they have the same fears that we do. They fear rejection and putting their heart out there for a girl without knowing what she'll do with it. Cut them some slack, ladies. We are more than capable of flirting and pursuing a guy. He'll probably even appreciate the fact that he doesn't have to do all the work. Ask him for his number. I'm sure that probably hasn't happened often for him. It'll be a change of pace. 

Forget about the friend-zone until you are for sure that you're in it.

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"Y all girls cheat after there guy treat them like queens? and all girls take advantage of em cause they know, the guy will never leave em, so do y'all like having a challenge and be treated like we don't care?" 

Translated: Why do girls cheat when their guy treats them like a queen? They take advantage of them because they know the guy will never leave them. Do women like having a challenge and being treated like men don't care?

Before I start on tangent, let me clear up my view of cheating. I don't condone it. I think it is disrespectful to do something like that to a person you claim to love or care about. If someone isn't giving you what you need in a relationship, either talk about the issue and work things out… or move on. Don't toy with someone's trust because once someone has been burned, it ruins them for the next person that comes along.

With that being said, there are a number of reasons why women (and men) both cheat… They're unhappy. They're bored. It just happens. They were in the moment. Someone was giving them what you weren't, whether that be an emotional connection or otherwise. Maybe you were their second option to being with? Sometimes women rebound without ever really being over the first guy. When said "first guy" dances his way back into her life, the chances of her giving in are pretty high.

It could be that they're not getting out of their boyfriend, partner, whatever, what they truly want or need in a relationship. They want something more, something thrilling. If the intimacy dies out, the fun is dull, and your love life loses that spark, then one of you is going to start looking for what you lack in someone else. It's awful. I know. But this is how the world turns. The idea of not being enough for the person you care about stings. 

Fellas, you may treat us like a queen, but sometimes we need to be treated like the side-chick. Remember the Bad Boy Theory I was harping on earlier? Let's discuss a few more of those "attributes." 

(Side note: I do not speak for all women.)

He is no one's doormat. Nice guys are taught to believe that women like bad boys because we like being treated badly. Well, that's not true. What is true is that we like a guy that stands up for himself. A man that's too nice tends to be taken advantage of because she knows that she has him wrapped around her finger. She can do what she wants and he will let her, and then more than likely forgive her for everything she's done. A Bad Boy never hesitates to stand up for what he believes is right. A Nice Guy tends to accommodate his girl even if he doesn't necessarily believe in what she's saying. Sometimes women really do need to be put in their place and deep down, we like it.

Note that when I say we need to be put in our place, I do not mean result to violence. We want to be respected and appreciated, but not to the point to where it's just too much. It is exhausting to have someone text you over and over about how beautiful and great you are. Have a little mystery about you. Don't let us always know what you are thinking, but don't leave us guessing all the time. Find a balance.

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There you have it ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for those of you that submitted questions. Some of you asked the same question in a different sentence structure, but I tried to loop them together and make sure everyone's question was included. I hope that I've covered the majority of what you were asking. I tend to ramble quite a bit, but hopefully you aren't sound asleep right now with your face pressed into your keyboard.

Feel free to comment below on your opinions, thoughts, additional information that you'd like to add. I'd be glad to hear criticism, whether it be harsh or positive. 

Think on a topic for the next blog. Anything and everything is fair game. I look forward to your questions and thank you for reading.

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Stay gold, Ponyboy.